SAN JOSE

Hi my blogees,

I have been estranged from my blog for a very long while. For about half of that while, I wasn’t writing because I was frightfully unhappy and lost. I pushed away the people that cared about me and clung to people and things that never really did. I told myself that I could only be “this” happy and that was that. Luckily, the second half of the semester, I wasn’t blogging because I was rediscovering myself and all the things I could/can be- as Oprah as that sounds. And I can confidently say I have never left for ANY trip feeling as content as I do right now about my home life.

As content as I am, I need to prove to myself that I still have travel/volunteer chops. I have this deep fear that once I graduate college, I’ll never travel again. While I rationally find that to be ridiculous and untrue, I still choose to forge ahead just in case. And since no legitimate internships with in < 3000 miles away from Poughkeepsie popped up – I really didn’t have an excuse. I applied to every program and internship under the sun. I even got accepted to a few. My friends and teachers (and parents) were exasperated when they received a different answer to “What are you doing this summer?” every time they spoke to me. It took my tenacious friend Grace (teaming up with my mother) to get me to sign up for 3 weeks in Costa Rica doing one of my favorite things- construction/renovation! I get to share a host family with Grace, and though no one will ever EVER EVER rival Paquita, I am hopeful that this will be a good trip too.

Honestly, I am beyond nervous. I don’t know why. I want to go. I need to go. But I’m afraid something is going to go wrong. I have had too many lovely travel experiences. Aren’t I due for some type of disaster? I’m being insane I KNOW and once I get there I’m sure I’ll be excited and more comfortable. I’m thrilled to be speaking Spanish again and even happier that I’ll get to eat so many new delicious things. Ziplines, Volcanoes, Biodiversity. All really cool things that I never dreamed of actually doing – and Grace is there to keep me sane.

I don’t know exactly what I wanted to say in this blog post except that:

1) I am going to Costa Rica until June 23rd
2) I am going to blog daily so please read my updates. I want to make this experience part of my Praxis courses
3) I am not running away from anything or myself and maybe that’s why this seems scary/unfamiliar.
4) I love my family and friends more than I could ever awkwardly tell them. Their patience with me and their genuine excitement about what I am up to always surprises me.
5) If you are unhappy keep going. Push yourself, find people that push you, and embrace the love that comes your way. The people that love you are already here. If someone’s not there don’t worry about it
My travel mind and thoughts are opening up and hopefully I will find some insight on this trip. I have internet – so email me. And if we are good enough friends- let’s skype. Thinking of all of you! I’ll bring you back some cured meats.

"And when you run make sure you run to something and not away from..."