Day 2 – It’s Easy Being Average

One of my favorite mentors/friends/professors once told me that I was “malleable”and that I could slip from one culture to the next without too much difficulty. It is one of the biggest compliments I have ever received, especially coming from someone who has lived all over the world and basically is who I’d like to be when I grow up. In my limited experience, I have to agree with her. I don’t have as much trouble coming into a culture as I do reacclimating to my own. A few general strategies come in handy:
1) Eat everything (especially in Hispanic countries) – People are more patient with your other short-comings if you clean your plate. It’s an exchange of trust, a sign of appreciation, and an admission that you are the visitor. Unless you are allergic, I would highly recommend trying that unidentified murky,purple beverage. You will probably like it and your hosts will appreciate the attempt.
2) Laugh a lot especially at yourself–Smiling and laughing have gotten me out of a lot of really awkward situations ( see Spain post about semen). Like eating, it’s universal and a sign that you are humble. And staying in a stranger’s house and not speaking the language is funny in a lot of ways. Paquita and I had a few go to jokes that we always went back to if things got quiet – los freakquis, George Bush and Tony Blair spooning, drunk people, etc.
3) Ask permission and ask to help – The first few days, I ask for permission for almost everything. Lest we forget, this is not our house; it’s not even our country. So you should probably ask before you reorganize their closet to make room for your extra shoes or take a 30 minute shower.
Those are all common sense, no? Sharing a room with Julie for so long definitely helped me be a better tenant and my parents didn’t tolerate much picky eating so I have had good training.
One of the things that bothers me about travel is all of the extra considerations women have to deal with and how we automatically stick out no matter where we go. I think it is brutally unfair and I hate that my parents have to answer any questions about why they are allowing me to go somewhere. The fears are inevitably internalized and it’s not really fun to not trust anyone in a new place. I hate that I can’t entertain conversations with strangers or be out late at night or consider how I dress. BUT that is where I have a secret weapon.
I am a very basic looking person.
I am not extremely tall or short, fat or thin, dark or light, blonde or dark haired, ugly or attractive, Irish or Italian. I am an average sized girl with brown hair. Unless you already know me and love me, there is nothing really that notable about how I look – except for my hair on some days. I’d like to think I distinguish myself physically(for better or worse) with my clothing, but in Costa Rica my jorts, t-shirts, and Birkenstocks make me look like any other crunchy chick. I walked around all day and just enjoyed genuine smiles from passerby. An occasional whistle, but I mostly floated through the city undisturbed. I was initially really nervous to walk around by myself, especially given all the warnings I got in my orientation booklet ( don’t show my kneecaps??). Despite my tantalizing knee caps glistening in the Costa Rican sun, I managed to avoid any blatant harassment. I was malleable.
This is not a call for compliments or disagreements. The “plainness” that was the bane of my middle school existence is something that I appreciate now. It gives me control (if you don’t like control in some area of your life, you are LYING) – I choose when I want to be seen and by whom and it gives me a glimpse of that male freedom. I don’t look foreign in most places and people generally leave me alone and trust me. I don’t get cat-called like my blonde haired friends and creepy guys pretty much leave me alone.(is a girl with a messenger bag really going to put out? Probably not) I once told my mom I was “Just pretty enough to be taken seriously,” which is a terrible statement for women but still true from my perspective. Someone once told me it was best to be "pretty attractive and very funny."I can be funny or quirky or intelligent without having anyone question me. Now, I know a LOT of women who are extremely attractive and manage to be funny and quirky and intelligent and many more things than I could possibly fathom – and that obviously has its advantages.
The women I admire most are detached from their appearances – not in the sense that they are sloppy or grimy – but that it doesn’t take up too much of their mental space . They refuse to be defined by it or acknowledge it overtly, no matter where they lie on the modern continuum of beauty. Clearly, I haven’t gotten there yet, since I just devoted an entire blog post to this, but I think there is value in recognizing the benefits to of being inherently undefined. Freed from the burdens of extreme fortune/misfortune , you get to be an observer to a lot of neat cultural things ( especially if you follow my basic homestay guidelines), decide almost completely how you want to define yourself, and participate only when you want to. Also, if/when someone finds you pleasantly descript, it’s pretty exciting.