Hi, blog. I really do miss you and all of the wise things I once had to say!
I have crawled out of the dark abyss that was January, officially. Got my passport stamped and everything. Anyway, the past two months I have been medicating myself with school, jobs, and extracurricular activities. I was self centered ( somewhat out of necessity) and I ended up inadvertently hurting most of the people that meant the most to me. I truly was clueless to all of this- which is actually worse in someways. I doubted my own ability to deal with my life and my friends ability to help me/understand/etc. I realized I operate on the extremely selfish/untrue idea that no one is invested in my actions and that my presence/lack there of is completely inconsequential. It's not healthy and it's completely inconsiderate of all the people that do care if you're around. Don't do it. So I have spent a fair amount of time apologizing for my thoughtless behavior. I know I haven't even come close to all of the apologizing I need to do but I'm trying to do better.
I don't like having to apologize but I find the actual apology process to be so helpful. We're usually so busy trying to scrounge up examples of what we are doing right, we forget how many things we may be doing wrong. Saying "yeah i totally sucked at that" to another human being is a big sign of trust, at least from me. Im giving you full permission to say " yeah you did totally suck and here's why." So if there's anything you need to apologize for to anyone, do it. Due to my unbelieveable guilt complex, a thorough apology feels like an hour of yoga afterwards.
Some more fun things that I did:
Saw my Lulu in Baltimore/DC.
I had seriously the best time with Luisa and her family on my spring break. One of the things I love about Lulu is that when she plans something she really intends on doing it. So when she invited me for spring break and sent me links to bus tickets, I knew I had to deliver. Lulu, her boyfriend Eric, and I spent 4 days just being tourists, listening to the best lite radio station ever in the taurass, and hanging out with her family, one of the highlights definitely being uncle jack and his 26 atlantic city jackpots(where does it all end?). Aunt Kitch and Aunt Reet fed us truly unreal amounts of food ( including Maryland crabs!) and gave us some stiff competition for bananagrams. We spent a day in DC, did the Aquarium, Fells Point, Federal Hill, Fort Mc Henry etc.
Lulu was the first friend I made in Spain - we were both kinda panicking and thinking we would spend the next 4 months alone. Because abroad is so unique and fake lifey, it's natural to think about friendships not translating. But as far as I'm concerned, we picked up literally right where we left off and seeing her in real life only made us better friends - salt fish fo lyfe. She is one of the funniest, smartest, most normal people I know and has had a huge impact on my slang vocabulary. Hopefully, this is one of many Emily- Lulu expeditions. Also maybe we can get matching tattoos? Welcome to forever?Just an idea.
Also I finally got my nose pierced! I had been thinking about it for about a year and I had cash for once and a willing enabler (Alana) so I went for it. Palm Sunday piercing appointment? Normal. Anyway we made our way to New Paltz, where we had originally selected a location. We got there early, went to the Muddy Cup and tried not to look too " Marist" and offend the New Paltzians. The place opened at 12 and arrived at 1215 only to be told there was no piercer there today. Sigh. Alana said " Fear not!" There was another shop in New Paltz that had a wizard on the sign. Perfect. However, apparently the wizard is Catholic, because he wasn't open on Sunday either.
I felt we had failed ultimately. I told everyone I would come back with a piercing and I wouldn't even have a caffeine buzz by the time we got back. Again Alana insisted that we not give up and hopped on her fancy phone. We saw that Kingston was fulllllllll of options and despite the fact that neither of us knew anything about Kingston and we had almost no gas left, we bravely got on the Thruway and headed north. It was a brief Thelma and Louise moment.
We wound our way through Kingston, which, as you can imagine, was not very lively at that time of day. We stumbled upon Metamorphosis first in a cool old historic Kingston house and we pounced. A really nice man named Jorian pierced my nose while his kids played on the computer in the next room. He had tattoos curling around his next and the massive gauges in his ear and was sure he would judge me for my lame, girly nose ring, but he was an unbelievably nice and soft spoken. Don't believe what anyone tells you- my piercing hurt ALOT. But I am so unbelievably thrilled with the result that it's an afterthought. Big ups to my parents for being supportive and even letting me use their car. Love those two.
That's all I've got. It's not heartfelt or full of meaning or wisdom, but I guess most of us don't get to live on the mountain top all the time.
This song is sublime.
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