A Letter I Meant to Write Sooner

Dear Mrs. Laffin,

When I heard you were sick and going to be in the hospital for a while longer, I wanted to write you a letter. I decided to write a letter on Thursday and on Friday you were gone. I'm sad for a lot of reasons but mainly that I didn't get to tell you so many things. I came into the office today and I had to explain who I was to the person sitting at your desk. It was really weird and the first time I realized that you were really gone and that I am far from ok with that.

You are one of my best friends at Marist. I loved having new exciting things to tell you or something that I knew would make you laugh. You listened to all my problems and news and were always on my side no matter what, even if I was being inappropriate. I knew that you were always there to look out for my Mom and keep her sane and give her perspective. You were one of HER best friends on this entire planet and one of the only people I felt accepted her fully for who she was.

I hope you know how much you meant to everyone. All I would have to do is mention your name and people immediately straightened up. I am so proud to know you- I wanted you to introduce me at my Honors Ceremony. You worked in only one office, but you made the whole campus feel more comfortable and loved and special. You weren't a dean or a Phd but you performed your job with just as much dignity and respect. And you are a nice person, probably the nicest person I know. Most people didn't know how strong you were and how much you had overcome because you were so happy and thankful every single day. I know you gave my mom courage to be happy and on the days when I thought my life was hard you did the same for me.

Thank you for always buying me Peeps and Hello Kitty coloring books and for worrying about me when I drive up to Connecticut to visit that guy. Thank you for driving my mom to work. Thank you for letting me use all your office supplies when I forgot something, which was everyday. Thank you for telling me funny stories about professors and for sharing pictures of Patrick and Lila. Thank you for letting my mom do things like put a picture of a pig on hand sanitzer. Thanks for laughing at all of Julie's new courses with me.Thanks for being nice to my friends. Thanks for calling me Angelface. Thanks for introducing me to the term “nuclear lunch.” Thank you for sympathizing when I complained and bringing me muffins on Tuesdays. Thank you for making me a dream folder when I wanted to go to music school and for writing down all the emergency numbers before I went to Spain.

It's a weird thing to say you're sad that your mom's secretary died, but that is exactly what I am. You were a constant presence for more than half of my life and one of my Marist moms. I don't know if I will ever get used to seeing someone else sit at your desk or not being able to say “Hi Mrs. L” as I stumble through the doorway with a big box of files. So much of Marist included you and believe me that every building and person on this campus misses you.

I'm sorry that you left so soon and so suddenly. I'm sorry I wasn't as talkative as I usually was during January because I was so busy/stressed and I should have stopped by your desk more. I hope that you are happy and peaceful and watching over us. No one is ready for you not to be here. Your life was beautiful and difficult and filled with a love that was uniquely yours. Thank you for teaching me so much.

Love always,

Emmy Lou